nobullies

WHAT I DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION

Summer is just about over, in some areas of the country schools are already in session.  In many schools an assignment is being given to students; write an essay stating what you did on your summer vacation.

On my summer vacation I had several extremely exciting things and some I wish I never had to do.  I was invited to participate in an international on line symposium on bullying.  I was one of 3 Americans invited to participate along with others from countries such as

Italy

,

Eastern Europe

,

Great Britain

,

Australia

,

Germany

,

Sweden

and others.

What did not surprise me is that “bullying” going by different names, existed in all countries around the world.  Some countries experienced different forms of bullying than others, some had different names for the same act of bullying and some countries have yet to experience some types of bullying.

What a wonderful experience to participate in an international program.

We have recently returned from vacation out west.  Sounds funny doesn’t it?  Vacation?  I thought you were an international speaker and traveled all over?!  Why would you need a vacation? 

Interesting question, when I travel to different parts of

North America

to speak it is almost always a fly in, perform, and fly out to either home or the next school.  Generally speaking there is little time for sight seeing.   

My wife and I and close friends traveled to

Lake Tahoe

for a week.  What beautiful scenery.  I love the mountains of the west and any time I get to fly over or hike through them is a treat.  Lake Tahoe is the largest alpine lake in

North America

and let me tell you the water is cold too.

We flew from our home to

Phoenix

,

AZ

, where we will begin to winter over at this year, then on to

Reno

,

NV

.  Of course we stopped and spent some money in the slot machines along the way to

California

and

Lake Tahoe

.  With special close friends we explored the lake and the upper altitudes. 

Squaw Valley

ski area was gorgeous!  You seem to be in the middle of a mountain range surrounded by unbelievable drops and breathtaking beauty.  Wow!

Traveling as I do I have a better understanding of the patriotic song, America … from sea to shining sea, waves of golden grain, purple mountains majesty…we are indeed blessed!

I was able to travel east to

New Jersey

on some personal business this summer also.  My younger brother passed away after succumbing to a long term disease.  My brother lived close to us and passed away suddenly and totally unexpectedly.  It was decided that we would take his remains “home”.  It was funny/weird to go back “home”.

Funny/weird that things had changed so much.  The roads were still there, I was still able to find my way around despite all the new additions of concrete, expressways and additional blacktop.  What was different is that it wasn’t really a 5 mile one way trip to school.  How did that happen?  The house I grew up in, the one my Dad and family built … well, it wasn’t as big as it used to be!  Many of the areas woods are gone, cut for more housing and roads.

What was pleasurable about this trip is seeing family that I haven’t seen in years.  My female cousins are just as beautiful as I remember.  We spent some time together and it was just as if we had never been apart.  Hours reminiscing over dinner and story telling and photo exchanging, asking about forgotten friends and acquaintances.   Learning that an old forgotten friend is passed brings sorrow and the realization that you never can go back home to light.

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a reporter from USA Today newspaper.  The Rockstar corporation release of the video game “Bully” is coming soon.  I was interviewed and quoted in the USA Today newspaper published on Thursday, August 10, 2006.

My summer vacation was filled with joy and sorrow.  Memories were made, friendships cemented and old relations rekindled.  Isn’t that what summer vacations are for?  All we are doing in life is building memories for ourselves and others.

For a long time in my life I was responsible for many unkind/scary memories as a bully.  Now as “The Recovering Bully”, I am doing my best to change the world and leave behind positive memories.

How was your summer vacation?  I’d like to hear from you, drop me an e-mail and let me know.  As ever I’m always looking for schools, organizations and audiences who need to hear my message.  Don’t hesitate to contact me if you know of someone or are a decision maker or if you are just concerned about the issue of bullying.

Let me know what you think!

Terrorism in New Jersey?

Here I am in weather stricken Tennessee when I learned of the news about two teens in New Jersey who had planned a "Columbine like" attack on their classmates.

The state of New Jersey has decided to prosecute these two (victims of bullying?) as terrorist. The mere word terrorist strikes fear into the hearts of most of us.  Yet to accuse and attempt to prosecute two teenagers who have most likely been subjected to terrorism in the form of bullying: is that right?

Rather than prosecute them as terrorist, why not investigate fully the reasons they felt it necessary to write a hit list?

I'm not in any way, shape or form suggesting that what they had planned is right.  There are always other ways of dealing with things rather than resorting to violence.

I believe they should be punished for their acts, what they had planned on doing was certainly wrong!  The question remains, however, what was the driving force behind their actions?  How can we insure that something like this doesn't occur again?

I would not be surprised to find that these two had long been bullied by others.  I certainly don't know what resources they pursued, if any, to get the situation resolved. Nor am I aware of what resources were available to them.  I do think that calling them terrorist is a little overboard...in my opinion it those that do the bully who are the terrorist.

Bullying is not a right of passage.  Adults will sometimes tell their children they were bullied and lived through it and perhaps it even made them stronger.  That doesn't make it right!  "Bullying hurts!  No one deserves to live in pain!"

Schools and adults, parents and caregivers need to give our children permission to tell someone they are being harrassed, bullied, put down, called names, whatever you care to call it!  Then it is up to us to make sure something is done about it!

I have long proposed, as I tell my assemblies, "No one can help you until they know you need help!"  There is no shame in saying I'm being picked on and I need help!

All sides of the bullying issue need help.  The bullies and the victims.  For too long I think we have only identified those who bully as being in need of help...psychologically or otherwise.  Perhaps it is time for the pendulum to swing the other way.  Perhaps the time has come for us to address the recipients of bullying.  PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder is very real and that is what many victims of bullying suffer.

Others, well, maybe they make a hit list like these two teens.  Even a tame housecat will become violent when cornered.  Who knows when a person who has been a victim of continual or even occasional bullying will reach the "I can't take it anylonger" level?  Who knows what they will resort to? 

In too many occasions we have witnessed violence and self inflicted violence as a means to ending bullying.  It is time for us to stand up and say ENOUGH!  We have certainly witnessed enough school shootings and read of too many bullycides.

It is time for us to put an end to bullying.  We, all of us, students, teachers, parents, adults, have the power to help end bullying.

Education is one of the most effective ways of beginning the process. 

I am at a conference here in Tennessee and one of the morning speakers suggested that conflict resolution needs to be taught in every school, starting she said, at the kindergarten level.  I agree.  It is time we begin to teach peace and peaceful resolutions to our youth.

It is never too late to begin to make changes.

What are your thoughts on this?   

Conserve school

Hey I just got back from speaking at a great private boarding school in beautiful northern Wisconsin.  The Conserve school is a boarding school which is about 4 years old.  The facilities are wonderful as is the scenery.  Snow, animals and trees surround lakes, streams and students.  As beautiful as this facility is they still have a bullying issue there.

It almost stands to reason that at a boarding school there would be the same issues as there would be at home with your siblings.  The school houses an international student body and it is similar to living with an extended family.  Not everyone is going to get along with everyone else at all times.  This is understandable, however, when one person or several persons feel picked on relentlessly, called names and "diss'd" continually, that is where bullying becomes an issue.

I had the opportunity to address the entire school on the issue of bullying then did 3 breakout sessions with smaller groups to further discuss bullying.  I found these students to be very mature, social and outgoing as well as intelligent, yet bullying was still an issue.  As I explained to them it is not a socio-economic issue, bullying is found in all strata.

I did my best to empower them with the knowledge that they have the power to put an end to bullying by not allowing it to continue.  When we make it not cool to bully, we will be well on our way to putting a stop to the pain!

I had a great visit, it was a long ride, but well worth the trip.  I look forward to returning again to the picturesque northern tip of Wisconsin.  Meanwhile visit www.youbigbully.com and take the bully survey, sign the guestbook and let me know what you think about this blog...  Til next time.  PEACE

Florida Suicide by police

So many things related to bullying have occurred that I feel I must share my thoughts and feelings concerning them, the latest being the "suicide by police" of a young teenager in Winter Springs, Florida.

     According to Kelli Kennedy, an Associated Press writer, Paul Cavallini, a neighbor is reported to have said about the victim, Christopher Penley, "he was a quiet kid - polite and everything.  He was just a normal teenager." 

     Reportedly friends and investigators say Penley was bullied and emotionally distraught, going to school that day expecting to die.  I wonder if Mr Cavallini had any idea of how prophetic his words were, "just a normal teenager."  I don't know what the  national population of teenagers is, however, as "The Recovering Bully" I do know that everyday over 160,000 children skip school or pretend to be sick so they don't have to attend school because they are afraid of being bullied!

     Children should not be afraid of going to school yet they are because of people like I used to be, a bully.  Society has the belief that bullying is just "kids being kids" or as adults we think that "I went through it and it made me stronger", or that it is just harmless fun.  Harmless fun ends when someone else begins being hurt, emotionally or physically.  In my opinion bullying is any harmful or hurtful act that continues after the recipient says "STOP".  Saying "stop" is not a sign of weakness or a sign that "you just can't take it". It is a signal to those who choose to make fun of others that their target feels the results of being bullied. When the bullying continues, it too often results in tragedies such as we have witnessed at Columbine, CO. or

Red

Lake

reservation, MN and other school tragedies.  In other instances, targets of bullies sometimes take their own lives to end the pressure, to bring "peace" to themselves.  Unfortunately there are no known statistics for what is known as “bullycide”, suicide due to bullying.   

     Bullying has become an international pandemic with no end in sight!  As adults we need to empower our children to say “Stop!”  When they come to us we need to listen and give them sage advice and suggestions to help solve their problems.  As a society we need to finally understand what I have been saying for years in my school assemblies:  “Bullying hurts!  No one deserves to live in pain.”  We must empower our children and each other with the knowledge that we have the power to put an end to bullying;  when we no longer support  bullying by allowing it to go on, when we stop supporting the bully by repeating rumors and name calling,  when we no longer allow bullying to be seen as “cool”, when we learn to celebrate the diversity in people, when we feel empowered to “become a defender of the un-defended” then we will understand that the true power lies within each and everyone of us individually.
    

Bubba sz visit www.youbigbully.com

Trouble in Florida

     Let me tell you about myself first.  I was a bully for a long time in my life, I'm not proud of what I've done and the hurt and pain I've caused other people.  What I am proud of is the hard work I've done to change my life.  I am pro-peace rather than anti-violence, however, this doesn't mean that you should let others walk over you...  I support doing the right thing.

     For a living I travel internationally speaking to schools and interested groups on the subject of personal growth, character building and of course NO BULLYING!  I invite you, the reader, to visit my website, www.youbigbully.com, take your time, look it over, there is much useful information to be found.  I welcome your comments and would appreciate a comment in the guestbook and also ask you to fill out the bully survey form.

     Now about this trouble in Florida....In Pompano Beach it seems there is this youngster...a 5th grader.  He was invited to the principals office for a meeting.  Seems as if he's been in trouble before, so as he walked into the office and saw another student and his mother, he asked if the meeting was about him.  When told that it was, he turned and punched the other child.  It seems the meeting was about the trouble the two kids were having.

     Maybe, I am only supposing this, since the bully child had been in trouble for such activity before, the police were called and this student was arrested and charged with mis-demeanor battery.

     Remember folks, if adults did to adults what kids do to kids, the police would be involved in more and more incidences that we "adults" seem to think is only "Kids being kids".

     Let me know what you think about this and remember to visit www.youbigbully.com.  See you next time,

Bubba